OK. I lost two years. I don't remember what I've done with myself. It's like me but not. Not really, not whole.
At least I'm writing...a bit....again...professionally. That's the part I recognize. A friend suggested I also blog, and I remembered I had tried that before. Here.
So this is me trying again. I'm still looking for employment. I've never looked so long before. I've never given up before, but I gave up more than once this time around. Used to be experience counted for something. Not now. Youth counts like nothing else. I used to have it; it was great. Now it's almost gone, but I'm still here...still doing and wanting to do it again. So really, what does youth have to do with it?
My friend said to blog on any topic. It occurred to me that life without an income is a one heck of a story. How about being unemployed? What's it like...some very fortunate people might like to know, and others like me would like to tell them.
So there it is. The unemployed experience. There are many of us right now who are scared to be out there alone, but you know, we're not. Still, it gets lonely when even the rejection notes stop. So if you're unemployed, recently, presently or even in the past, you might want to say something. If you're curious, you might want to as well. Please do. I'm not going anywhere.
About Me
- Toni
- I'm a writer...more than 30 years worth of writing for other people. I was forced out of the market...a lay off...another one. And then this disability hit me. I started this blog when unemployed so I could write... for me mostly. For fun, for release, for an occasional client, for no good reason. If you're interested in being a client, see my work web site: http://www.toniswork.com. If you just want to join in and comment or start a discussion, be my guest.
1 comment:
24 months unemployed over three year's time. When I lost my job, it was unfair business practice, and I was given a settlement after I fought it. But being unemployed meant I not only lost my income, I stood to be forced away from the country I adopted and loved, and it scared me witless. I had 28 days to find another job.
I had a relationship end over the fear I displayed. The icing on the cake was that I didn't get any unemployment benefits because I wasn't a permanent resident, just a temporary visa holder.
Great fodder for feeling defective and depressed.
I had a wonderful teacher at the time. She counseled me on more than one occasion.
The boyfriend said I was needy. I said "I'm not needy, I came to a foreign country to live without family, by myself!" The teacher said "yes, you are needy, you are dependent on those things to keep you from being miserable." And then she taught me to get comfortable with uncertainty, get comfortable with myself and get comfortable with not getting what I want.
It lessened the misery considerably. You have people giving you advice on how to act in interviews, what to say on your resume, pushing you into networking when you feel like a big fat loser and when the rejections keep coming, you sink deeper. You can lose weight, gain weight, lose hair, hair goes grey, and you don't want to get out of bed.
Most of all, you feel like a victim. Like someone is doing it to you. Like it's all your fault.
Stop it. Just stop it. We're all the same. We're smart, capable, trained human beings. No, it's not fair what happened. But it can happen to anyone.
I managed to get another year before I had to leave my adopted country, when I was thrust back into the US with no home, no job in the dead of winter. 35 days later, my granddaughter died.
And my teacher was there for me, on the phone, counseling me. My friends were all around me, giving me comfort.
Perhaps the job doesn't have to define who I am. Perhaps, just perhaps, this downtime is an opportunity for me to learn something. I'm such a hard head, it takes disasters to turn my head around. And sometimes I get the lessons all wrong.
This time, I had a wise one looking out for me, showing me the lessons I needed to learn. How not to be dependent on the job for my happiness. How not to be dependent on someone loving me for my happiness. How not to depend on things going my way.
I'm not perfect at this insight she gave me. But there is one thing I know. I do not want to be unhappy. If she can teach me the way not to be miserable, and she's doing a great job of it -- I'm going to be a good student.
Today, I looked at the forecast for another eight days of rain, and it seems like we've had a month already. I decided this gray, chilly drizzly stuff could go on for months, years, perhaps even the rest of my life. So, in that case, I've decided, today, I'm putting sunshine in my mind. That's where nobody can get to it, nobody can take it away. My mind is where I create, where I am master.
So, you got it, Toni. You still have it. You are good at it. To be cliche, "Let the sun shine, let the sun shine in, the sun SHINE IN!"
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